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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
5:20 pm - Words of wisdom from "He's Just Not That Into You"
Anna: What about 'Texter'?

Mary: 'Texter' has yet to maker verbal contact. I mean this guy could have had surgery, leaving him with a voice box, breathing through a stoma and I would never know because I've never actually heard his voice.

Anna: Well I doubt he has a stoma.

Mary: Well that's not that point. I can't text. I'm not charming via text.

Anna: Well maybe you should just stop texting.

Mary: It's not just texting. It's email. It's voice mail. It's snail mail.

Anna: That's regular mail.

Mary: Whatever, none of it's working. I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work. So I called him at home. And then he emailed me to my Blackberry. So I texted to his cell, and then he emailed me to my home account. And the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days where you had one phone number and one answering machine. And that one answering machine housed one cassette tape. And that one cassette tape either had a message from the guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

Anna: What about that uh...MySpace™ guy?

Mary: Jude... I like him.

Anna: Great!

Mary: Yeah...I feel like we connected.

current mood: rejected

(2 belted it out | sing a long)

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
5:30 am - hoodoo voodoo
almost immediately after Kip & I got together, I started getting into Tarot cards again. pagancub bought me a deck awhile ago and i tooled with them for a bit before getting tired of it. Kip is very good at them and can read shit I can't even see. Thus, it made me want to indulge in them head-on. I've been drawing a card or two every day (like my friend, Brian, suggested) and it REALLY works!

Today's card is: The Four of Pentacles
Clarification Card: The Three of Chalices

we'll see what that all means....

current mood: curious

(1 belted it out | sing a long)

Saturday, February 14th, 2009
8:27 am - where's the warmth?
it's funny how you always expect the clothes you take out of the dryer to be hot. even after you left them in there last night and waited till this morning to get them.

when i reached into the dryer to grab my jeans (and a wayward jockstrap i threw in there with it), i was startled by how cold they were. i don't know why, considering the cement floor of the basement was freezing. and it is winter.

it was just odd is all.

current mood: winter

(sing a long)

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
11:41 pm - put him down
i called my dad when he was in the hospital today. American Idol was on but he's more important. he told me that they were able to remove the cancer and everything seems like a success. his voice was very scratchy but thats most likely due to the chemotherapy. he sent my mom home because she's such a warbling idiot.

while i was on the phone with him, he asked me if my mom had bothered to tell me about our dog, Harley. "What are you talking about?" I prompted.

"While I was in the hospital, she had the dog put to sleep. She didn't even tell me until I asked her how my dogs are and she told me she had to put him down." His voice cracked and i could tell he was trying to stop himself from crying while I was on the phone.

"If I'd have done that," he continued, "she would've had a fit. I'm the one who takes care of him! The one day she has to watch after him, she puts him down. I told her I'd better hurry up and get better soon or else she'll put the others down too..."

apparently, she was having a hard time waking Harley up one morning and then decided to put him to sleep. not only is it fucked that she did it while my dad was in the hospital (and never let him say goodbye), but it's also fucked that she TOLD HIM while he was already suffering from some other shit. my mom is one of the most selfish people i have ever met.


current mood: angry

(sing a long)

Friday, January 30th, 2009
6:35 pm - graded
THEY FINALLY GRADED MY calls at work. apparently, i got as close to a perfect 100 as you can get without actually scoring 100%. this is why i don't like call quality grading. people don't actually adhere to quality control standards when taking calls. they try and resolve the customer's problems and just be done with it.

anyway, it was good feedback. that's all that matters...

I SPOKE WITH MY MOM about my dad's tests for his cancer.

well, i really called my dad and got him to give me the lowdown. my mom was too busy being a nervous wreck in the background. my dad has to undergo chemotherapy twice as well as radiation. they're going to cut the two cancerous nodes out of his neck and he'll be on a feeding tube for awhile, due to the swollen tissue that the removal will cause. i'm worried about what all will come of it, but know my dad is strong, too.

i may try and come down to Arkansas this summer for a bit. hopefully my job will hire me by then.

current mood: listless

(4 belted it out | sing a long)

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
1:45 pm - in short, life resumes
I ENDED UP HAVING a seizure in my sleep last night. it was weirdo, though, because i'd been getting enough sleep for the past few nights. this may end up being why my seizure was extremely mild and why i was able to go to work today.

as i'd mentioned before, i've been reading She's Come Undone before bed each night. so maybe that depressive ass book was the cause of me biting my tongue and rolling around in my sheets last night? who knows... but it certainly sucks.

TONIGHT AFTER WORK, i'm going to see the Broadway tour of Frost/Nixon with my friend Jeremy. my roommate got us free tickets from his job. i'm supposed to meet him in front of the Boston Opera House at around 7:15 and he'll hand Jeremy & me the tickets.

i questioned my roommate last night to guarantee that was still the case and he seemed kind of aloof about it. i hope he doesn't flake out and suddenly tell us we can't go. i already saw Frost/Nixon on Broadway but would like to see the play again. (Jeremy hasn't seen it at all.) my roommate has been at home the past few days because his friend Jesse came into town and they've been busy drinking and hanging out. i don't normally mind my roommate having company over, but Jesse is loud and obnoxious company. he sleeps with the TV on cinema sound and they end up staying up very late laughing and being rowdy.

maybe i'm just jealous of his friendship with Jesse. what they have going on is certainly homoerotic, to say the least. John is not gay.

THIS WEEK AT WORK has been pretty relaxing. maybe that's why i'm able to work despite last night's seizure? they made up a new schedule for all of us because the one we had before had all of us going to break at around the same time, thus causing the phone lines to ring off the hook. now, only 4 or 5 go to break at one time and they have me taking my final break less than an hour before i go home at night. you have no idea what a relief that is to have a break and then turn around and only answer a few calls before you get to go.

it's also slow on my job today, too. hopefully this keeps up all week.

current mood: relaxed

(sing a long)

Sunday, January 11th, 2009
2:15 pm - Hurricane Angel
On the day the levee broke
The water did rise and the flowers did choke
The side of my living room did one last toke
Then I watched it all drift away
Now my credit cards ringing up to 30 percent
There’s a man in India wondering where the money went
But I can’t pay

So I sat on my roof in Lake Ponchartrain
Singing woe to my children
Singing woe to the rain
A stranger came by
Never caught his name
He said he’s rowing to the Rio Grand
Air Force One, a blue streak in the sky
Mr. President, you can’t afford to lie
He said I can’t afford to pay

Hurricane angel
Oh I’m lifting my eyes over Baton Rouge
Lift up your wings
Let me hear your voice sing
Can you turn these black skies to blue again?
Oh I’m laying on the floor of a trailer at night
With sixteen refugees, waiting on daylight
I can’t pay

I caught a flat bed Ford up to Baton Rogue
With four worn out souls and one old cork screw
You can drown New Orleans but you can’t drown the blues
So bartender, pour away
Exxon’s having one hell of a year
Three bucks a gallon
Man, they’re makin’ it clear
That I can’t pay

Lord lord lord
We haven’t spoken in many a day
Got my self in trouble down in the ninth ward
I thought I’d send a prayer your way
On my window sill is a stack of insurance bills
A man in Delaware says I can’t have the pills
Until I pay

Hurricane angel
Oh I’m lifting my eyes over Baton Rouge
Lift up your wings
Let me hear your voice sing
Can you turn these black skies to blue again?
Oh I’m laying on the floor of a trailer at night
With sixteen refugees, waiting on daylight
I can’t pay
Somebody should pay

On the day the levee broke
The water did rise and the flowers did choke
The side of my living room did one last toke
Then I watched it all drift away
© Ellis Paul

current mood: cold

(sing a long)

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
7:21 pm - stalker love
Perhaps I’m angry because I’m impatient for our life together to begin. I remember I once went walking with my school in Switzerland in the summer holidays. One day we spent the whole morning climbing a boring rocky path. We all complained—it was so hot and pointless, but the teacher made us keep going. Just before lunch we arrived at a high alpine meadow, a huge sunny expanse of flowers and grasses, with electric green mosses around the banks of a stream. It was miraculous place. We were a noisy bunch of kids, but we suddenly went very quiet. Someone said in a whisper that it was like arriving in Paradise. It was a great moment in my life. I think when our difficulties are over, when you come here and we're together, it will be like arriving at that meadow. No more rocky uphill! Peace, and time stretching out before us.

taken from Enduring Love by Ian McEwan

(sing a long)

Thursday, November 20th, 2008
5:11 am - the roles we play(ed)
The others saw him as the Klass Klown, the Krazy Kut-up, and he had fallen neatly and easily into that role again. Ah, we all fell neatly and easily back into our old roles again, didn't you notice? But was there anything very unusual about that? He thought you would probably see much the same thing at any tenth or twentieth high-school reunion—the class comedian who had discovered a vocation for the priesthood in college would, after two drinks, revert almost automatically in to the wiseacre he had been; the Great English Brain who had wound up with a GM truck dealership would suddenly begin spouting off about John Irving or John Cheever; the guy who had played with the Moondogs on Saturday nights and who would go on to become a mathematics professor at Cornell would suddenly find himself on stage with a band, a Fender guitar strapped over his shoulder, whopping out "Gloria" or "Surfin' Bird" with gleeful drunken ferocity. What was it Springsteen said? No retreat, baby, no surrender... but it was easier to believe in the oldies on the record-player after a couple of drinks or some pretty good Panama Red.

But, Richie believed, it was the reversion that was the hallucination, not the present life. Maybe the child was the father of the man, but fathers and sons often shared very different interests and only a passing resemblance. They—

But you say grownups and now it sounds like nonsense; it sounds like so much bibble-babble. Why is that, Richie? Why?

Because Derry is as weird as ever. Why don't we just leave it at that?

Because things weren't that simple, that was why.

As a kid he had been a goof-off, a sometimes vulgar, sometimes amusing comedian, because it was one way to get along without being killed by kids like Henry Bowers or going absolutely loony-tunes with boredom and loneliness. He realized now that a lot of the problem had been his own mind, which was usually moving at a speed ten or twenty times that of his classmates. They had thought him strange, weird, or even suicidal, depending on the escapade in question, but maybe it had been a simple case of mental overdrive—if anything about being in constant mental overdrive was simple.

taken from Stephen King's It

current mood: nostalgic

(sing a long)

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
7:28 pm - holy shit is it cold out!
yesterday evening, i came home from work to a whopping 25°F out. the weathermen are baffled at the startling temperatures. and since my land lord controls the thermostat in my apartment, it's not been breaking 65°F in my bedroom at nights. yay for that electric blanket Brian bought me!

my job today was a little bit better. i told my Texan instructor today off after he offered up one too many anti-Arkansas sentiments. my favorite one i flung back at him was, "you're from Texas. your state LOSES the election!" hee

i've also been kind of responsible when it comes to eating lately, too. it's so weird considering how my diet used to consist of Chipotle, Wendy's® and popcorn. but i've grown accustomed to the taste of yogurt and have been getting yogurt every morning. i called my Dad today and begged him for some money so i can buy some yogurt for the rest of the week. that's what i'll be snacking on every morning while i'm still in training on the job.

i also got a can of red beans tonight and had Goya® and rice for dinner. i used to just fend for myself and munch on chips and whatnot. i bet my body is flipping out on this foreign healthy object in my tummy. considering i'll be 29 in less than a month, i guess this is what it feels like to grow up some.

that, and it increases my collection of oldies music on my iTunes. rock on with my 80's self!

current mood: satisfied

(sing a long)

Monday, November 17th, 2008
11:51 pm - proud Tina keep on turnin!
all my work woes washed away in the light of Tina Turner tonight at the TDBank North Garden. she really is fucking incredible live. i know people say that stuff but she is probably one of the best concerts i have ever attended. not only did she perform a slieu of songs, she also made you FEEL the lyrics that she sang.

here's the setlist:
Set 1:
Steamy Windows
Typical Male
River Deep, Mountain High
What You Get Is What You See
Better Be Good to Me
Won’t Get Fooled Again >
The Acid Queen (with pyrotechnics)
What’s Love Got to Do with It
Private Dancer
We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) (complete with fireworks and long 80's wig)

Set 2:
I Don't Want to Fight (video montage)
Undercover Agent for the Blues
Let’s Stay Together
I Can’t Stand the Rain
Jumpin’ Jack Flash >
It’s Only Rock ’n’ Roll
Addicted to Love
The Best
Band Intros
Proud Mary
Nutbush City Limits
Be Tender with Me Baby

during Nutbush City Limits, she rode on a long cat walk that outstretched OVER the audience and then had us all sing along. she even strutted down the cat walk (with no guard rails) and did a dance mid-air! not bad for a 70 year old lady who did this exact show in Boston last night. the bitch TURNED IT OUT! i wish i could see her again!

current mood: excited

(sing a long)

Sunday, November 16th, 2008
12:08 pm - blah
i haven't written in here in since Thursday, but that's mostly because i haven't really done anything worthy of writing about. i got my cell phone in the mail on Thursday (finally) so i am no longer without it. as if on cue, my temp rep, Laetitia, called me to verify that my tests came through fine (i wasn't worried) and that i can start on Monday. she said she'd try me a day early and right after i got my phone in the mail!

nothing much else has been going on, though. my sleep schedule has still been fucked up. i've been sleeping the days away and staying up all night. (at least it let's me talk to all the other unemployed freaks all night long.) my tongue is still moderately bit up from the seizure. i'm hoping that by the time they expect me to talk on the job will be around Tuesday, when it's completely healed. the whole tongue thing has made it difficult for me to really eat or feel energetic about chatting and whatnot. it's also made me less motivated about starting work, unfortunately. i'm sure i'll be excited once i get in there.

i forced myself out of the bed this morning at 11 so i can at least be SOMEWHAT tired when it came time for bed tonight. i don't want to go to work on my first day and fall asleep on them....

i've been downloading a lot of oldies music on BitTorrent. i downloaded a 25 CD collection of Top 70s music as well as Billboard's Top 100 Hits of 1984. i'm all about it.

current mood: bored

(sing a long)

Thursday, November 13th, 2008
5:18 am - brr
it feels cold out. weather like this always reminds me of Winter. Fall hasn't ended yet but you can see Winter around the corner. the radiator in my bedroom keeps omitting that crazy "POP!" noise when the metal expands and the heat comes out. which is good because my mattress is laying on the floor next to it, so i can take it all in.

i feel a lot better now after the whole seizure thing. i've been sleeping days and staying up all night. it brings forth some crazy characters on the internet, no doubt. it also makes me feel a bit as if i'm on Christmas break and school is about to come back to me. i feel like i'm living out the last few days of this time before work comes and sucks the life out of all of it.

the news is on in the background. familiar Massachusetts voices are telling me about gas prices and the economic crunch. i should be in bed but i missed writing in here, too. i took a sleeping pill (all natural) so sleep will be coming soon as it is. i dunno what else to say....

current mood: numb

(1 belted it out | sing a long)

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
12:28 pm - seize - attack
the last few nights i've been staying up exceptionally late. (it's all this damn caffeine.) i start consuming tons and tons of Cola-Cola and then i'm wired when it comes time for bed. i need to get more in a routine by the time i start work on Monday. i can't really be tired and fuck up my chances for employment. i need this job.

last night i think i had a seizure in my sleep. but i'm not sure. it may be due to my disorientation, but i'm pretty sure it happened. i feel like my sensors have been overloaded (like i normally do) as well as my tongue is bit up. i really hate having epilepsy when it comes to shit like this. thank god it happened well enough before my job assignment on Monday!

i talked to my landlord about rent for this month and he told me i can just pay him $500 and the rest can be tarried over to next month. that is going to make next month extremely difficult but i'm going to try. i honestly have no other alternative since it's not like someone wants to pay an epileptic bear to have sex with ;)

my body is extremely tired due to the seizure.

current mood: disorientated

(10 belted it out | sing a long)

Saturday, November 8th, 2008
2:19 am - the book vs. the phone
so apparently, i'm going to get a lot of reading in this weekend. i'm already up to Chapter 18 of Stephen King's It and my cellphone is dying. not just running out of juice, either. i noticed when i was on the phone with my friend, Brian, earlier this evening that i couldn't make it suddenly recharge with my charger. i tried numerous times then made him get off the phone with me to wiggle & jiggle the charger i got from Radio Shack in hopes that i could repair it.

then the plastic thing inside the phone fell out. so now no charger is going to work on it. i'm going to need to get a new phone.

i've had problems with my phone in the past but when i went down to T-Mobile then, they didn't seem that helpful. i'm hoping that maybe if i can get a hold of their customer service tomorrow, i can charge a new phone to my next bill. i'll have a job by then and can pay for it when the time comes in. i can't go without a phone right now when i'm about to start a new job. that's just ridiculous. i wish there was a way to charge my battery outside my phone somehow. then i could just do that for awhile....

but this weekend will be definitely full of reading now. reading or watching TV. (and since i don't have cable in my bedroom television, reading it will be). it feels nice to have about 300 pages left of my current book even though the whole chapter about Patrick Hocksetter is going to give me nightmares tonight. i love when i can have passionate feelings about what i'm reading but eesh! Stephen King knows how to go to the jugular with his storytelling! i won't spoil it for those of you who've not read this book but i can guarantee i will never look at a refrigerator the same way again!

i'm hoping to finally finish It by the end of this weekend. i've got a stack of other books i wanna tackle (alongside my phone issues).

current mood: aggravated

(6 belted it out | sing a long)

Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
7:14 pm - more of what's on my mind right now

  • i'm surprised that a temp agency didn't call me for a job today. Chris Rock said that we shouldn't expect black people to show up to work today if Barack Obama won because they'd be up all night partying and call out. but to be honest, when i saw the results come in for Pennsylvania and knew there was no way McCain was going to be able to take many of the other electoral votes, i was in the mood for partying myself. the very idea of Barack being our next president is such a humbling and exhilarating experience for me. there is definitely a newly restored faith in America.

  • my interview yesterday went great. i'd be working in a phone center for Massachusetts free health care and setting people up with new plans. i love the idea of helping people out like that, in addition to the idea of getting more involved in the health field. i enjoyed working in the financial field but that was also the field that decided to lay me off so their CEOs could get another pay increase. the medical field seems to be where it's at in this economy. i should know something about it tomorrow....

  • i just got done watching this past Sunday's episode of True Blood and i have to say how unimpressed i am with the writing on it. if you've never seen this show, it's about a town of vampires in Louisiana that are trying to integrate into modern society via a synthetic blood drink. normally, they know how to grip me to the plot line and the characters and keep me enthralled. this past week's episode (Episode 09) was just going through the motions and offering up nothing much of substance. they have Sookie being chased by some invisible killer (that they've not revealed and no one cares about) and this whole bullshit trial that Bill is undergoing for killing a vamp. it was still good but not nearly as gripping as i remember from episodes past. i hope they don't take it down a path where i'm not loving the show like i wanna....

  • i took a long break from reading Stephen King's "It" and have started back up again. i'm on Chapter 11 right now and am really enjoying it. the book is so detail heavy that i got almost bored of it 500 pages in but am now trying to find yet another rhythm. once we get back to the Reunion of them in the town of Derry, it almost feels like a sequel to the first portion of them as kids. Stephen King is an amazing author, yes, but i think my reading attention span is semi-retarded when it comes to epic novels like this. can't wait to finally finish it, though!

current mood: tired

(2 belted it out | sing a long)

Tuesday, November 4th, 2008
8:35 am - Obama's up by 1 in Malden
i just got back from voting! sometimes being unemployed has it's perks since it took me all of 10 minutes to get in and get out (story of my life, eh?).

most of the candidates weren't against any opponents so i just left those blank on my ballot. (let the mafia settle that score.) Jeanne Shaheen and John Sununu are candidates for NH so i didn't even see them on my ballot (despite them hogging up my TV).

we did have three propositions on the ballot, though. #1 to lower the state property tax (which i voted no on); #2 to change the tough crimes on small doses of marijuana (which i voted yes on); and #3 to slowly make dog racing in Massachusetts illegal (which i voted yes on). gotta save those puppies!

the precinct was just down the road from my house so i was able to get down there and back in less than 30 minutes. everyone keeps talking about long lines in their area and it was so friggin' quick for me. yay for being on the border of 2 cities!

can't wait to find out the election results. it's gonna be a long day.

current mood: accomplished

(sing a long)

Monday, November 3rd, 2008
2:37 am - anti-virus
Sunday night was interesting. i downloaded this folder of mp3 remixes from BitTorrent. i like to play club music from time to time and like to keep up-to-date with the latest tracks. this batch was older but i figured what the heck? it's not like i'm a DJ and would know the difference anyway. it'd be something fun to play when i dance around my bedroom.

i get the file (it was huge) after a couple of days and try to open it. immediately, my Explorer crashed (not the browser) and then recovered itself. i try again and again, it continued. it wouldn't even let me hover over it with my mouse w/o crashing. so i couldn't even delete it.

this lead to me downloading a free anti-virus software. it did it's process and was able to find 3 Trojans. sounded nice, right? then it found another one, crashed my Explorer, recovered itself and told me to start the process over again. i did, and yes...again it did the same thing. so i find another free anti-virus software. go through the process and my PC locks up. i have about a Gig and a half of RAM so i start panicking. it locks up several times and i reboot several times. nothing will let me delete this mp3 file.

it won't even let me get into Safe Mode. the 2nd anti-virus software was taxing my complete RAM so it wouldn't even let me get to my Add/Remove programs. so not only was it not finding the Trojans, it was also eating all of my RAM. i call my friend, Brian, and try his brain through the process too. he's frustrated at me for being frustrated and both of us don't know how to solve the problem. [to be fair, he was a lot more patient with me than i would've been considering it was hard for me to describe the anxiety i was getting into.] i at this moment just wished i could undo my previous action.

this Avast! anti-virus software wouldn't even let me remove it from Task Manager! it was pretty useless overall. to solve it, we finally were able to get my computer started in Safe Mode, delete the file via DOS (as well as the stupid anti-virus softwares) and then find the Trojans in Spybot Search & Destroy. i ended up discovering i had a Maleware virus that was redirecting all Windows updates to their stupid search engine sites.

that's what i get for not keeping my PC up-to-date!

current mood: relieved

(5 belted it out | sing a long)

Friday, October 31st, 2008
5:33 pm - cheap costumes
tonight, Jeremy & i are going to see Legally Blonde - The Musical. my roommate, John, got us tickets. i wasn't a fan of the show on Broadway but who knows? maybe a cheap imitation bus-n-truck will change my mind. Jeremy pretty much begged me to go with me.

we're supposed to go to EDGE on Sunday night (i think). i'm thinking of going as Kevin Youkillis 'cause i could just wear my Kevin Youkillis shirt and under the disco-lights, i'll look like him. plus it would mean i wouldn't have to buy a costume.

current mood: hopeful

(sing a long)

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
6:20 pm - more of the same
it's 6 o'clock in the evening and it's already dark out. yesterday, we had possible snow warnings in the area. there's no doubt it's getting colder and things on the job front are looking grim. well...scratch that. i have an interview tomorrow about a data entry job in Boston. so there's hope there, yet. i just don't know how i'm going to make November's rent on time considering i haven't received any income lately.

yes, yes. things will look up. good things will come....i'm just growing more and more impatient.

current mood: anxious

(sing a long)

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